Juice Cleanse: The Final Frontier

Okay, that’s being a bit dramatic. I’ve done a three-day juice cleanse before, through Purée in Bethesda. But I had really prepared for that one. I weaned myself off coffee to tea, till I was able to even forego tea. I ate a lot of salads.

Of course, when that juice cleanse ended, I accidentally ate a pound of cashews the next day and got horribly, terribly sick. Live and learn.

Back in December, I saw a Groupon for a three-day juice cleanse through Jùs by Julie. (Apparently, all juice places must have accent marks in their name. It’s, like, the law or something.) With the Christmas food season lurking around the corner, I thought, “This. This is a thing I will need.” So I bought it, and waited for such a time where I would have a free three-day weekend to redeem this Groupon, and do nothing but drink juice and sleep.

That mystical three-day weekend of freedom never came.

Eventually, I realized the Groupon was about to expire, and just went ahead and ordered the juice cleanse at the last possible second.

Aaaand here we are. The juice cleanse arrived Thursday, and I put the juices in the freezer, since I wouldn’t start till Saturday. I tried to eat some salads. I’ve been mostly drinking tea lately. But the past two nights, I definitely imbibed some cocktails and processed sugars. Last night, I took the juices out of the freezer and put them in the fridge.

The juices are STILL FROZEN. I’m sitting here, staring at my Morning Glory juice, whispering, “Thaw, damn you. Thaw.”


The juice whisperer.

The Three-Day Weekend of Freedom in my imagination was a slightly rainy weekend, where I would be able to stay in, no problems or regrets. This weekend is NOT a three-day weekend, so I’ll be at work for the last day of my cleanse. And it’s BEAUTIFUL out. I’ve already turned down super fun plans because I’m like, “My body may or may not decide to function later. We’ll see. What are you doing on Tuesday?”




End of log for now. May resume transmission after ingesting semi-frozen juice.



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