Juice Cleanse: Things You Need to Know

I got so tired that I never posted “Day Two (Part Two).” Day Three is just lost to the abyss. On Day Three I went to work and then watched the Game of Thrones finale with other non-juicing humans.

So here’s a summary of the different types of things people usually want to know about juice cleanses, answered via my experience.

Digestion: Does your stomach freak out? You know–liquid in, liquid out?

-While I didn’t have any dramatic digestive issues that sent me fleeing down the halls of my office, you just… worry. You just do.
-After “breaking the cleanse,” I had a lofty goal of only eating fresh fruit and steamed veggies. Aaaand then some folks brought trays and trays of free Indian food into the office. I didn’t eat a ton, but I ate enough to make myself concerned that my stomach would rebel. (It didn’t.)

Energy: Could you function?

-This juice cleanse left me more exhausted than the first juice cleanse I did. Not sure if it’s because of the juices or what.
-I did feel pretty good in the afternoon of the third day and afterwards. Almost felt guilty going back to food, like I should do a five day cleanse.

Weight Loss: ARE YOU SO SKINNY AND PERFECT NOW???

-I didn’t really weigh myself before and after the cleanse, because I didn’t want to get my hopes up over some super low number that stemmed from only losing water weight. However, the cleanse did motivate me to start making little changes, like measuring exactly how much agave and creamer I’m putting into my morning chai. Answer: I was using waaaay more than I thought, and I can easily live with a lot less. These small changes will hopefully help me lose a few pounds in the long run.

Hunger: Did you turn into a ravenous hunger monster?

-You spend a lot of time simultaneously thinking about–and trying not to think about–the food you’re going to make when you break your cleanse.
-After the cleanse, when eating a real meal for the first time in days, I got uncomfortably full REAL fast.
-The phrase “breaking your cleanse” makes the process sound super intense. And there is a lot of conflicting information on the internet. Eat only steamed veggies! Don’t eat any veggies! Eat oatmeal! Wait four days to eat oatmeal!

Ultimately, towards the end, there is a feeling of lightness and emptiness. You kind of wish the juice glow could continue forever. (I guess it could, if you buy a juicer and $75/week of produce. I totally feel like the prepackaged juice cleanses–when bought from the right places–are worth it, considering just how much money and effort goes into making your own juices.)

Also, the Jùs by Julie juices were pretty good. I enjoyed drinking all of them, except the Morning Glory. (NO ONE CAN POSSIBLY LIKE CELERY. WHY DO YOU ALL KEEP LYING TO ME?) If I ever saw another Groupon from them, I would pounce on it. Though I would even consider another Jùs by Julie cleanse without a discount. No, this is in no way sponsored by Jùs by Julie. But if anyone from the marketing team sees this and WOULD like to sponsor me…

If you’re reading this, and you have a question about juice cleansing–and I’ve tricked you into thinking that somehow I am qualified to answer it–please feel free to ask!

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