Polar Vortex Secrets

How to keep from shriveling up into a dried husk of a person during the Polar Vortex?

Coconut oil.

Turn up your heat. Slather your body in coconut oil. Stand naked and awkwardly not touching anything for half an hour. Secretly worry that some pervert installed hidden cameras in your doorknobs while you weren’t home. Shower.

Also, drink lots of water. Even though peeing is difficult because of all the layers you’re wearing.